Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be someone else, live somewhere else, work at a different job, or have enough money to not need a job altogether.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be smarter, more clever, more coy, or have a better humor.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be prettier, to have a better body, to never have to worry about exercise, what I eat, or my weight.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had dated this guy rather than that guy, if I had chosen different friends in high school, chosen a different job to work at.
What if I had chosen not to drink while others around me drinking until they were stupid.
What if I had chosen to hang out with "the smart kids", rather than people that I felt a kinship to.
What if my dad never took a job in Rhode Island, but rather had been able to stay in Florida.
What if I had been able to live with my grandparents rather than my dad insisting that the family stay together, dispite the growing turmoil called his second wife.
What if my dad had stayed a single dad instead of marrying his second wife, changing our lives forever.
What if...
Too many "What if"s in this life of mine.
I can say "what if" all I want,
what if things had turned out differently,
what if I had made different choices,
what if my dad had made different choices,
what if my mother had made different choices?
Where would I be today? What would my life be like?
I can tell you
that I would not have the great friends that I do
that I would not haven been married three times
that I would not have two beatuiful daughters
that I would not have a handsome grandson
that I would not have finally found the love of my life.
I may be in debt, in need of a major payraise and/or a different job, but I would not have the best that God's love has to offer: people who love me back.
Life would be different with one "What if?", but then, where would I be, what would I be like, and what would my life be like.
Everything happens for a reason.
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